Content: 3
Obviously I can tell what my point is since it's my paper, but it's in the topic sentence.... that there are some flaws that should not be allowed to see the light and that humans are made up of flaws but naturally some are worse than others. I figure each paragraph is a different point, (Flaws are believing lawbreakers, disagreeing and blaming others and lastly unnecessary violence). I probably could have expanded on my commentary and used words that further expanded the commentary rather than say things along the line of: "Many of the other animals followed his lead, and took this as an explanation for any and everything, therefore dismissing any of the animals thought, including his own opinions. A major human flaw is believing fully in a liar gets in the way of forming ones own educated opinions" But I also added commentary about the government, and how these's flaws appear in the real world.
Organization: 3
Each paragraph has a fairly obvious opening, "Against their better intuition, people will believe fully in another who may or may not be what they say.", "Another human flaw is disagreeing for the sake of it while blaming others.", "Violence and murder are always said to never be the answer but yet are used so often, such as striking fear in a person.". I figure the order of my paragraphs make sense, besides the first one that last two make sense. Disagreeing with someone can lead to blaming them, which if that person is power hungry and corrupt, could lead to unnecessary violence. Transitions are occasionally used, but I should have used them more often. The closing for each paragraph could have been better.
Voice: 3
The voice sounds like me, I wrote the way I usually talk. But since it's the way I talk my words are not that sophisticated, I relate things to the government which could show a higher audience that is involved with the world and know's what has happened.
Word Choice: 2
I repeat many of the same words, I used words such as "point fingers". I tried thinking of word choice but whenever I did the peer edits would tell me that I was changing the meaning of my commentary by doing that. I probably used the word "it" in ever one of my sentences.
Flow: 3
For Flow, I have a different lengths of sentences but some of them are probably runs on that I hadn't gone over and checked yet.
Conventions: 3
I think for my conventions I'd get from a 3 or in between 3 and 4. The spelling should be all right, I don't think that there are many grammatical errors but maybe. Some of the words may be used wrong but because of how basic my language is/was in this essay I wouldn't bet on it.