Diego, a feisty Chihuahua, chills out on the arm rest as I write.
1. What role did you play in the creation of the letter? The role I played in the creation of our Society Letter was that I worked on the conclusion, along with the Intro group. 2. What did you learn about your society's focus? Anything new? Anything that might help you understand the true importance of your society's goal? Or, did you realize the opposite? I learned that my societies focus is on communication along with that I believe the entire class, including myself, realize that there isn't much to back up communication in the means of statistics. Probably, Communication is considered common sense, and should be fairly easy to do. The true importance of the goal communication, would be to provide people with the basics of communication so that there are minimal if any misunderstandings, they can get better grades/jobs/etc/etc, and so on so forth. Compared to the other societies, and the goals they chose, I feel ours is not as important but still fairly important. Let's the say the reason the government shut down was because they couldn't communicate their ideas well-enough so that others would be able to elaborate or advise them. If they had had better communication skills, it may not have happened, hypothetically of course. 3. Why will your audience agree with your letter? Assuming that the societies, or audience, does not have to say yes... I feel like it'd be half and half. Our quotes, or CD's, could have been better if we had either a longer time to search for them or known what to search to get the best results, maybe even just having a thesis to go off of may have helped. I feel like they'll agree, because they'll realize how often communication is used and know that it is involved in many different aspects of life, including getting a job/promotion/school/etc etc. I feel like in a way communication is already in each society, but that our letter would point out... "Hey, this is something you should also work a little on... it'd help" How it could help with bullying? Easy, being able to communicate to someone that you are being bullied, or that someone you know is can help stop bullying. Or by being able to talk and say "Hey, the way your tone was..." etc, etc. With charity? Being able to voice your ideas about how to help other people would work, being able to use the right tones and expressions/body language would help. With money? Well, employers look for people with good communication skills... if they have good communication skills they are more likely to get a promotion with equals more money. And last... but not least, Education, communication is important in education also since student's that feel that they can talk to their teachers, and that their opinions are heard, will get better grades. Rough Draft Thesis: Tomorrow is not promised that is why worrying will not help, tears don’t fix anything this is why ignorance is needed, and being over-dramatic helps nowhere but in the theater. The present is a great place, people need to relax and be able to enjoy it.
Body Paragraph #1: Worrying about tomorrow is futile when the present is already here and tomorrow is not promised, it just blinds from the present. Frankly “worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once” (The hiding place). Worrying is not going to help with the situation right now. The worrying does nothing but makes that person forget to live in the present and use up all the strength they had for today. It is often found that “ [they] could live with [these scenarios that were made up] much easier than dealing with a reality [they] could not”(The Compound. )They might become so absorbed in their unrealistic scenarios that may never happen or have already happened. If it had already happened, they missed it because they were worrying so much about what tomorrow would bring. Worrying as much as they might, they will miss out on all of the pleasant things in the world around them. Body Paragraph #2: It’s easy to forget to care and to feel the only way out is to die… it is easy to forget where true happiness comes from. It is true “The world was slipping away from these people, and something else was slipping in. They were forgetting to care”(Those That Wake). These people were forgetting to care about the important things in life, the family and friends that they have around them that are there to help them . As a consequence “[they] just wanted not to hurt, and dying would be a quick answer”(90 Minutes In Heaven). But dying would not be an answer, honestly instead of having such a negative answer this person could have realized that they have people on their side. They don’t need to try and block people out by forgetting to care, they can be around people and feel emotions. Along with feeling emotions, they need to realize that “Happiness isn't something that depends on [their] surroundings...It's something [they] make inside [themselves]” (The Hiding Place) . They could be the happiest people in the world, they need to stop thinking its other peoples jobs to make them happy. People need to have positive attitudes, they need to realize that happiness comes from them not other people, and that yes, they are going to get hurt. It isn't a fair world, it isn't always going to be sunshine and lollipops, but death is not the answer, and neither is forgetting to care. Many people believe that bringing in movement and creativity will help with students overall life. In the hackschooling video, Logan Palaute had said that the hack schooling is focused primarily on the 8 essential needs for life. Them being exercise, Diet and nutrition, Time in nature, contribution and service, relationships, recreation, relaxation and stress management and religious and spiritual. To elaborate on exercise, John Medina, says that the brain is able to produce more or is more awake when doing something that person likes, or by moving around. Such as having treadmills in the conference rooms to walk while talking, or just walking while talking, sitting on bouncy balls instead of regular chairs, just doing something in general other than sitting still. Along with feeling dull when doing something boring or that they don’t like (sitting), schools may be the blockade of the people's nature creativity, those who know more create less and those who know less create more, says Carl Beuke, Ph.D. If teachers realized that focusing on only boring projects, with a billion guidelines kills creativity maybe they would bring in more projects that students could be creative on. Along with doing something that is enjoyable, moving around would get the students in the habit of exercise, which will help with the 8 essential things for humans. When moving around, the students are realizing they are able to think much better and are able to be more creative. So, the people who believe that bringing in more than just sitting in chairs all day and encouraging creativity by not focusing on negatives will help students thrive.
Content: 3Obviously I can tell what my point is since it's my paper, but it's in the topic sentence.... that there are some flaws that should not be allowed to see the light and that humans are made up of flaws but naturally some are worse than others. I figure each paragraph is a different point, (Flaws are believing lawbreakers, disagreeing and blaming others and lastly unnecessary violence). I probably could have expanded on my commentary and used words that further expanded the commentary rather than say things along the line of: "Many of the other animals followed his lead, and took this as an explanation for any and everything, therefore dismissing any of the animals thought, including his own opinions. A major human flaw is believing fully in a liar gets in the way of forming ones own educated opinions" But I also added commentary about the government, and how these's flaws appear in the real world. Organization: 3Each paragraph has a fairly obvious opening, "Against their better intuition, people will believe fully in another who may or may not be what they say.", "Another human flaw is disagreeing for the sake of it while blaming others.", "Violence and murder are always said to never be the answer but yet are used so often, such as striking fear in a person.". I figure the order of my paragraphs make sense, besides the first one that last two make sense. Disagreeing with someone can lead to blaming them, which if that person is power hungry and corrupt, could lead to unnecessary violence. Transitions are occasionally used, but I should have used them more often. The closing for each paragraph could have been better. Voice: 3The voice sounds like me, I wrote the way I usually talk. But since it's the way I talk my words are not that sophisticated, I relate things to the government which could show a higher audience that is involved with the world and know's what has happened. Word Choice: 2I repeat many of the same words, I used words such as "point fingers". I tried thinking of word choice but whenever I did the peer edits would tell me that I was changing the meaning of my commentary by doing that. I probably used the word "it" in ever one of my sentences. Flow: 3For Flow, I have a different lengths of sentences but some of them are probably runs on that I hadn't gone over and checked yet. Conventions: 3I think for my conventions I'd get from a 3 or in between 3 and 4. The spelling should be all right, I don't think that there are many grammatical errors but maybe. Some of the words may be used wrong but because of how basic my language is/was in this essay I wouldn't bet on it.
Something interesting is I learned that it may appear to many that the Science Videos that explain how we evolved from Apes may not be following the Scientific Inquiry. Meaning you make a hypothesis and then go out and find data that could either prove or disprove it. But a kid in the first period class had said that it seemed like they were finding evidence only to prove their theory. Needless to say, I don't look at these videos the same any more. My teacher said that
What happened: A ball fell into a spiral wire into a rod in order to knock over some other stuff, in order to show the span of history. Water came from a fountain to cause the "flower" to grow. History and future, of the planet or society.
Why did it happen: To one, set a record, and second, to show the span of history in a unique way. It fell over to knock more things to happen, domino effect. Cause and effect, physics, Because that's how gravity works... Intelligent people got together to make it (Skilled, gifted, smart.... etc) So what: Everything is connected. Many things, such as teaching kids how to work with each other (All types of people) and giving them more knowledge to expand their horizons for say. It also helps them figure out ways to earn a living, and may even help them make their own opinions about the things happening around them.
After watching the Video: The person in the video that we watched was saying that Education is mostly just teaching us the basics to get a job, but the problem is that even with a degree a job isn't guaranteed. He also said that we were being taught that there was only one answer and that was it, in reality there is more than one way to go about something. By doing this they are taking away a important skill everyone had when they were little. He also said that the main reason for school was economic's because they create jobs, and with jobs the governments gets money from taxes. He also said that for people with ADHD that it was difficult to listen to boring things when there was so much more fun things to look at, and all we did for that was put them on pills and tell them to listen. When we should be making school a lot more fun. With some of his points, I'd say I have to agree. Title: Those That Wake
Author: Jesse Karp Have I read it: Nope Reviews: One review I read said, it dropped the F-bomb in it, the lady said that she was glad that she didn't buy the book but borrowed it. She also said that she was glad it didn't have a "falling into a hallmark feel-gooderie zone". She did like the ending though, although she rated it 3 stars. Another reviewer said, that she liked that the book was one of the more sophisticated book which is probably why it was rated so low. It got a rating of roughly 3 stars, this lady wrote it 5 stars. She said, " I think a lot of people approach the young adult dystopian genre with an expectation of pure entertainment, but this book is not meant for that. It's a commentary on technology's potential for mass control, and how this control has already taken effect in our lives. The setting was futuristic in that events happened that have not happened in the past or currently, but it was shockingly like our current state of affairs. That was the most disturbing part of the book for me. " The next lady that reviewed it was complaining about the f-word again. She said it was more of a rage comic and not a novel and only rated it 2 stars. But the next person wrote gave it 4 stars and said, "Very well written. The author has chosen every word carefully and has some eloquent insights. His thought process is clear and believable. I could relate to each individual character and their personality. His social commentary on today's technology causing us to be out of touch with one another is quite timely, and necessary. Everything is colorless, and everyone is alone. The cell does everything - unlock the house, start the car, order and pay at Starbuck's. No human interaction required! The emphasis is on the power of the mind, and who is in control. Negativity is a virus" The next person gave it 3 stars and said, "Those That Wake presents a society not too far off from our own where people are focused on their cells more than on the people they walk by. What they don’t realize is that there is a power that is taking control over their minds making them unaware of how many decisions are being made for them. The main characters, Mal, Laura, Mike and Remak have become unplanned allies. Strangers, they all discover through one means or another that no one knows them anymore. As, or perhaps because, they try to figure out what has happened, they discover that their lives are in danger. Fighting together, they try to overcome the power that has made them the forgotten. An interesting idea for a book, but a little too abstract for my taste. I thought the characters were never fully developed and the ending was mostly predictable. Yet somehow the book left me with more questions than answers. Maybe that was the idea?!?" Most of these reviews I read were from July 08, 2011 to January 09, 2012. General Plot/Idea of book: A page-turning thriller with a message of hope in the face of adversity, Jesse Karp's Those That Wakes is a startling debut novel that explores the unimaginable influence of faceless corporations. (This came from inside the book. The reason so many people gave this book bad reviews is probably because they don't understand how technology involved the world is becoming. I also think they don't understand what the book is getting it, I've read the first few pages and so far have enjoyed it. I think it would be a good book to read although some reviews were low, because it's showing technology in a negative way although technology has many great features. I think this book would be a good one to read because it's about what happens when the everyone has their memories wiped of two teenagers and it's about how far they will go to reclaim their past and make a future no one can take away. Next Book: Title: Letting Ana Go Author: Anonymous Have I read it: Nope Reviews: It got four and a half stars, people were saying that they didn't see the ending coming, that it was a depressing book that they couldn't put down, this one person rated it five stars and said, "I really wanted to read this book, because I’ve heard amazing things of the other books written by this “Anonymous” person. They’re all basically a series of stand-alone books dealing with different issues. Letting Ana Go dealt with Anorexia. I thought that it was a very powerful and moving book. I loved every minute of it What I found to be the most interesting thing about this book was that it takes you through the whole process of how the unnamed main character developed her disorder. Letting Ana Go really shows the reader how easy it is for an eating disorder to develop. She began a simple diet with her friend and it just spiraled out of control, without her even noticing." One person said "Once again, another story that will stop you in your tracks and make you think." Those are the books to read, I think. The ones that make you stop and think, they change your perceptive on things. I figure that I'll never become anorexic, frankly because I love food, which makes me sound fat... but its true, not the fat part.... I have a friend who thought she was, she's not though. She just has a high metabolism, but you never know. There's a lot of girls now a day that figure they have to be stick thin to be beautiful, when in reality their wrong. I think reading books about this short of stuff will help me realize new things, and be able to recognize it in people I know before it gets too far. Some reviews explained that they had a love-hate relationship with this book, which always makes the book a good book for me to read, some said that it made them think, and one said that this book is brutally honest. This girl in the book, is a social butterfly for say. In most books about this sort of stuff, the girl is usually a goth kid sitting in the back not caring about the world. One girl said, "This is the first book in the collection of Anonymous books that I've read. The struggle to be beautiful and to take some measure of control in her life is heartbreaking. No matter how many times her boyfriend tells her that he loves her just the way she is, she still cannot see herself as beautiful. A gut-wrenching novel." and another said it brought smiles and tears to her eyes, those are the books that hit home. I enjoy reading these kinds of book because when my best friend (who's honestly a mess at times, but she's my best friend and I'll help her through any thing.) is in a slump, I'll know what to say. I'll have an idea of how to help her. Reading in general is a good way to collect knowledge of all types. |
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